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Why the Best Way to Find Happiness Might Be to Stop Looking for It

It’s 5:35 am, and here I am, holed up in what I affectionately call my “home office”—which is, let’s be real, a glorified wardrobe. 

I laugh at myself…

Flashback over a decade ago, and it was a wardrobe that was the birthplace of my first online business.

Back then, I had just ditched my life as a Personal Trainer in Dubai, completely burned out and yearning for something more. 

Lauren and I—adventure junkies that we are—sold everything we owned (not for the first time, mind you) and, with our daughter in tow, set off for Bali. 

The plan? 

To carve out the mental and physical space I needed to launch what would become my ticket to freedom.

Now, let’s talk about you for a second. 

Ever feel like there’s a chasm between the life you live and the life you ache for? 

On a good day, it’s a nagging buzz in the back of your mind, a whisper that you’re not quite where you want to be. 

On the bad days? 

It’s a crippling tidal wave of dread, lack, and shame so intense you can feel it thumping in your chest.

In those quiet moments of introspection, I’ve often asked myself, “What do I truly want?” The answers sneak up on me, clear and taunting:

  • An empty calendar.
  • A bursting bank account.
  • A body that won’t quit.
  • A marriage full of passion.
  • A tight-knit circle of friends.

And when my ego takes the reins, it demands:

  • Respect.
  • Ripped abs.
  • Wealth beyond measure.

What all this boils down to, though, is a quest for inner peace. That’s what I’m chasing these days. 

But why the hell does it seem so elusive?

You’re smart. 

You’re switched on. 

You’re here because you crave more out of life. I get it, and I respect it. 

So why, then, do driven, perceptive individuals like you and I still find ourselves scrambling for that elusive happiness and fulfillment?

“Why the hell haven’t you nailed it yet?”

That question has haunted many of my sleepless nights, morphing into an obsession to find the answer.

And here I am, in the early hours of a Tuesday morning, realizing something profound as I sit in my wardrobe-turned-office: “I’m the most successful man I know.”

Suddenly, the gap closes.

Sure, the fire’s still there—I’m wired to strive for more. But let me tell you something…

Being happy and fulfilled in the present doesn’t mean you’ve tossed in the towel on growth or ambition; it’s about appreciating the fucking ride, not just obsessing over the destination. 

This mindset is about striking a sweet balance—savoring the now while still sparking that fire for what’s next. It’s harnessing contentment as a strength, not a stop sign, allowing the peace of the present to fuel the push towards new heights. 

By staying grounded in the moment, you’re actually building a solid launchpad for growth, because you’re not being driven by deficit, but by a genuine desire to expand your horizons. 

This is why I believe you and I should revel in today, but keep that hunger for tomorrow—it’s not just healthy, it’s goddamn exhilarating.

See the reason I’m tucked into a cramped wardrobe-turned-office is due to the ongoing renovations at one of our Bali villas. I’ve relocated my trusty MacBook and a modest desk here. 

It’s a solitary week for me, dedicated entirely to working on my new company, The Rainmakers, while my family enjoys the comforts of our home back in Australia.

Looking back, the younger Chris hustling to get his first online business off the ground was a different beast—wallet nearly empty, shoulders burdened with the heavy load of family responsibilities.

But now?

We have homes around the world, four incredible daughters, and a sense of financial freedom that seemed like a distant fantasy back in the day. But what really tops it all off is the daily surge of gratitude I feel when I pause to appreciate the surreal beauty of our lives now.

This profound sense of fulfillment? 

Today, it was sparked anew by an unexpected voice message from Lauren, my wife.

For the full emotional hit, you’d have to hear it on our YouTube episode, but here’s the gist—out of the blue, Lauren says:

I was just feeling so peaceful and grateful and settled…
And i wanted to say thank you.
For providing in the way that you do, so that I can do this.
Because I feel so safe.
Because I feel so content.
And its such a beautiful feeling.
Our life is and has been very amazing, but I’ve never felt this sense of peace.
And I just want you to know that I love you, and I’m grateful.
Thank you.

Hearing Lauren’s message hit me like a ton of bricks.

I sat there, completely stunned, as a cascade of memories from the past decade washed over me. I’ve wrestled with darkness more times than I’d like to admit—battling depression, grappling with suicidal thoughts that seemed perfectly rational at the time, and enduring a panic attack so severe I thought I was having a heart attack.

But then there were the peaks… the awe-inspiring moments of receiving my daughters at birth and placing them against Lauren’s chest, the sheer euphoria of wrapping up that final Zoom call that sealed the deal on selling my first company. Every bit of it—every single moment—now makes a profound sense that’s still beyond words.

Sure, a good chunk of this journey felt like sheer luck, like fortune just dealt me the right hand at the right time. But there were undeniable turning points—decisive, pivotal moments, that propelled me towards the success, joy, and fulfillment I cherish today.

For a man, virtues like courage, certainty, and consistency are the bedrock of our resilience.

I’ve come to believe that one of the most powerful statements a man can make is, “I’m not interested.” 

It might seem as trivial as swatting away a fly—harmless, almost insignificant.

Yet for me, saying “I’m not interested” is tantamount to declaring something utterly irrelevant—it’s dead to me, not worthy of another moment’s thought.

Becoming crystal clear on the four values that drive my life made saying ‘no’ remarkably straightforward.

It was through this process of addition through subtraction, of consciously stripping away the non-essentials, that life became profoundly simpler. 

This clarity made it vastly easier to achieve my goals and live true to who I am.

The Four Values That Drive My Success and Fulffillment…

Now, if I was to finish the essay here, I would have to kick my own arse…


Because there are two reasons why you and I have not achieved what it is we want…

We either do not have the right plan of action, or we’re not following the plan.

(I’ll leave the locus of control argument for now… as I’m only referring to everything we do have power over. For everything else, lady luck is at the helm)

And in a world we’re you’re knee deep in make time for “self love”, and it being politically correct to celebrate someone being overweight, I believe… 

Self Discpline is self love.

Let me prove it to you…

Think about one of the big, deep down goals you want to achieve. Whether its hitting an income goal, marrying the partner of your dreams, achieving professional success, winning a gold medal or having your child look deep into your eyes and say ‘I love you’.

You think you’re working hard to achieve what you want… 

You think all you need is your lucky break. 

You think you’re putting in the work needed to achieve what you want.

You’re wrong. 

You haven’t done what’s necessary at all. 

You haven’t made the sacrifices. 

You haven’t put in the time. 

You haven’t bled enough. 

You haven’t learned the lessons. 

Not for when it really counts. 

You’re delusional. 

Yes you need to be delusional. 


But not too much. 

But you’ve bullshitted yourself. 

How do I know this?


Let’s use your body as an example. 

You’ve said that you wanted to get into better shape. 

Lose some weight. 

Feel better with your shirt off. 

But have you done it?

Can you take your shirt off and admire what looks back at you in the mirror?

Have you forged the character that simply does what’s needed, when it’s needed?


And that’s falling prey to foolishness. 

Foolishness is when you know what the right thing to do is, but you lack the strength of character to follow through. 

You want the glory, not the suffering. 

You want the respect, not the humiliation. 

So, why do you not have the life, the body, the wife, the accolades, the freedom you keep telling yourself you want..?

Because you’ve self deceived yourself. 

You dropped to the cultural norm. 

You made compromises. 

And it’s insanity to think you can achieve extraordinary things by doing the ordinary. 

It’s the difference between interested and committed.

Think about it…

When you didn’t do that extra rep…

When you said “ok, just one” when your friends were having a beer…

When you didn’t say “I love you” when you had the chance…

That’s sloth and torpor masquerading as self love. 

It whispers to you, “you deserve it, it’s ok”. 

When in reality…

You don’t deserve it. 

Not if you want to achieve the things you’ve not attained yet. 

Will you win?

Will you get what you want?

Life offers no promises. 

Life owes you nothing. 

But one things for sure. 

Unless you do the work. 

Unless you step up today. 

Unless you eliminate excuses from your vocabulary. 

…you don’t even stand a chance. 

Happiness Is The Quality Of Your Life Minus Envy…

“Happiness Is The Quality Of Your Life Minus Envy…” — this pithy quote cuts to the heart of a profound truth for me…

It’s that our sense of well-being often gets sabotaged not by what we lack, but by what we perceive others to have. 

Envy is a sneaky bastard, gnawing away at our contentment by shifting our focus from our own lives to the comparison game. It’s like drinking poison and expecting someone else to suffer. 

Instead of watering our own grass, we fixate on our neighbor’s greener pastures, oblivious to the fact that their green might just be a trick of the light—or a shit-ton of Photoshop.

To combat envy, start by cultivating gratitude. It’s about turning the lens back on your life and noticing the shit that genuinely makes it good. 

Maybe it’s health, a close friend, or just the fact that you enjoyed your morning coffee. Practicing gratitude shifts your focus from scarcity to abundance, from what’s missing to what’s overflowing. It’s a daily practice, like brushing your teeth but for your soul. 

Over time, this mental shift can transform your inner landscape, making it a hell of a lot harder for envy to take root.

Moreover, redefine what ‘success’ means to you. Society’s yardstick for success—money, fame, followers—is not just one-size-fits-all; it’s flawed as hell. Define success on your own terms. 

Maybe it’s the freedom to enjoy a weekday afternoon in the park, the satisfaction of a well-cooked meal, or the peace that comes with genuine relationships. When you set your own benchmarks, based on what makes you feel fulfilled, the achievements of others start to matter less. You’re no longer playing their game—you’re mastering your own.

In essence, subtracting envy from your life isn’t about ignoring the success of others; it’s about reorienting your perspective so profoundly that someone else’s success becomes a non-issue. 

Finding richness in your own experience often reveals a treasure trove of joy that, upon closer inspection, is abundant. This realization for me, doesn’t merely enhance your life—I recognise that this is life.

The here and now is all we will ever have.

The past is a distant memory.

The future is a made up story.

I share this insight as someone who once let envy consume his life. 

I’ve battled through depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, and I’m passionate about shedding light on mental health and well-being. Even now, I sometimes grapple with the mindset of “I should have achieved more by now.”

As an entrepreneur, there’s an inherent drive within us to create—to turn the unseen into the seen, which to me, is nothing short of magical. Yet, one major pitfalls that exacerbates our struggles is the tendency to compare ourselves to others.

I’ve sold a multimillion-dollar business, I’m at the helm of a thriving new venture, I enjoy financial freedom, and I’m in top physical health. I have a wonderful marriage and am a proud father to four daughters whom I adore. I’m blessed with incredible friends and deep connections.

Do you think I’m more successful than you? 

Honestly, it doesn’t matter. 

Fundamentally, we are all on the same level.

This realization hit me during a moment of daydreaming—what some might call procrastination. 

Watching my daughters in our backyard, playing like fairies, dancing, singing, and crafting entire worlds with their imagination, I turned and noticed a bed of flowers. 

There, I saw the entire cycle of life: seeds just beneath the soil, sprouts poking through, blooms at their peak, and flowers at the end of their life cycle.

Do we judge these flowers at different stages? 

Of course not. 

Each is simply at a different point on its own path, none inherently better or worse than the others. They each bloom and flourish in their own time.

So, if you’re being hard on yourself, know that I’m not here to stop that. Rather, I want to suggest that injecting our lives with a bit more acceptance, self-love, and release from rigid expectations can usher in a greater peace. Embrace your journey, wherever it may lead.

It was when I came upon the theories of prominent psychologists. Daniel Kahneman, discusses how our satisfaction often hinges on comparisons. He suggests that life satisfaction is greatly tied to social benchmarks—reaching goals, fulfilling expectations. 

Kahneman points out that while money significantly impacts life satisfaction, happiness is influenced by financial means primarily when there is a lack of it.

This idea dovetails with the insights of William James, a nineteenth-century Harvard professor, who delved into the psychological undercurrents prevalent in societies burdened with limitless expectations. 

James pointed to, that our self-esteem suffers primarily through comparisons with those we view as our equals. In essence, when we measure our lives against those of similar standing, any perceived shortfall can strike a blow to our confidence and sense of self-worth.

Reflecting on James’s and Kahneman’s theories, it becomes clear that the societal pressure to “keep up” not only fosters a culture of constant comparison but also entrenches the notion that our achievements are never quite enough. 

This relentless comparison is what often feeds the “I should have by now…” mindset that many of us battle.

In the tranquil moments of reflection in my backyard, watching the natural cycles of growth and decline in the flower bed, I was reminded that life does not conform to a single, uniform standard. 

Each flower, regardless of its stage, contributes uniquely to the beauty of the garden. 

Now before I take this flower analogy too far, the realisation I had is If we apply this perspective to our own lives, embracing each phase without judgment and resisting the urge to measure our progress against others, we can find a deeper, more lasting sense of fulfillment. This approach allows us to focus on our personal growth and well-being, nurturing a healthier, more contented life.

The Fundamental Delusion…

As I sit here writing this for you, there’s a sense of disappointment in myself…

It was in my early thirties that ‘intellectually’ started to grasp this fundamental delusion, but it was only until recently that it was embodied, and I knew that I was actually starting to live and act from a true knowing.

And its the truth that…

“There is something out there that will make me happy and fulfilled forever.”

I had spent too much time doing and not enough time thinking about what I should be doing.

It’s the belief that some external achievement or possession will grant us everlasting happiness and fulfillment. 

It’s a seductive thought, isn’t it? 

That there’s a magic bullet out there—be it a dream job, the perfect partner, a bank balance with many zeroes—that once obtained, will solve all our woes. 

But this is a mirage, a carrot dangled in front of us that keeps moving as we lurch forward. 

The truth is, happiness derived from external sources is as fleeting as a summer storm. 

It dazzles, it rumbles, then it’s gone, often leaving us more parched than before.

This perpetual chase leads us into the second part of the delusion…

The obsession with doing at the expense of thoughtful reflection on what ought to be done. It’s the modern curse of busyness. 

We fill every moment with activities, meetings, and mindless scrolling, mistaking motion for progress. But real progress, the kind that leads to genuine fulfillment, demands deep thought and introspection.

It requires us to pause, to evaluate not just the efficacy of our actions, but their purpose. 

Why are we chasing what we’re chasing? 

Is it because it truly resonates with our deepest values, or because society—or some deep-seated insecurity—has convinced us it’s worth the pursuit?

Breaking free from this delusion starts with cultivating inner contentment and understanding that happiness is a state of being, not a state of having. 

This means I had re-evaluate my definition of success and fulfillment to align more closely with what felt right and true to me—personal growth and genuine connection rather than societal accolades or material gains. 

It also meant adopting a mindset of gratitude and presence, recognizing and savoring the good that exists in my life right now, not just in some imagined future.

Then it was the hardest one for me to grasp…

The truth that its best for me to embrace the practice of thoughtful idleness. 

It’s not about being unproductive but about allowing ourselves the space to breathe, to think, and to exist without constant output. This space is where creativity blooms, where we can hear our own voice amidst the cacophony of societal expectations and pressures. 

For me it was putting in the calendar time to quite literally just sit, be, think… procrastination and joy now are compass points that add to my power.

By spending less time doing and more time reflecting on what should be done, we align our actions more closely with our authentic selves. 

The path to lasting fulfillment lies not in acquiring more, but in understanding more—about ourselves, our desires, and how best to serve not just our own happiness, but also the happiness of those around us.

So as I sit here in this wardrobe, it becomes clear that the pillars of earning money, working through the tough times to have an incredible marriage, and parenting with love are essential, yet they are not the only metrics of a fulfilled life. 

It is the realisaton that I was mesmerimised and blinded by the metrics of success that are easy to see. The dollars in my bank account, the watch on my wrist, the quarter by quarter business growth.

I know full well that I’m a high level entrepreneur, marketer and operator.

When it comes to the game of business, I’m one of the best in the coaching and information industry.  But it was the foolishness of my thinking that those metrics really mattered.

They don’t.

On my death bed, I won’t be talking about conversion rates, cost per acquisition and ROAS.

Jesus, just typing that made me cringe.

My rise from the gloriously cramped confines of a wardrobe-turned-office to financial and familial bliss is a bit like a sitcom—unlikely, a bit ridiculous, and full of unexpected life lessons. 

Sure, it’s a testament to my grit and a vision that wouldn’t quit, but let’s be honest, it’s also peppered with a fair share of “what the heck am I doing?” moments. 

The true heart of my journey isn’t just about the shiny successes and the impressive stats; it’s found in those quiet corners of self-reflection where I truly met myself, warts and all.

In sharing my story, I don’t just tick off my achievements—like financial stability, a rocking marriage, and kids that haven’t voted me off the island… yet. 

I talk about the broader responsibility that comes with being a man in this world. 

It’s not just about meeting societal checkboxes but making a conscious choice to carve out a path that’s genuinely yours, guided not by the latest Instagram influencer’s highlights but by an inner compass that’s sometimes as stubborn as a mule.

The real turning points in my life came not from those blockbuster moments of triumph but during periods of what I fondly call ‘masterful loafing’—those times when I was just supposed to be chilling but ended up having profound heart-to-hearts with myself.

It was during these sessions that the absurdity of constantly comparing myself to others and the chase for never-ending happiness really hit home. Spoiler alert: it’s a bit of a fool’s errand.

I lay out my life not as a prescription for others to follow but as a humble invitation to join me in questioning and, dare I say, chuckling at the often ludicrous scripts we’re handed. 

True success? 

It’s not measured by your bank account or stripe screenshots but by walking through life with integrity and a sincere desire to make your corner of the world a little brighter.

In essence, while my life might provide a few pointers on navigating the entrepreneurial seas, it’s also a light-hearted beacon for those seeking a more meaningful voyage—steered by personal values, enriched by genuine connections, and occasionally, elevated by the courage to just be ridiculously you. 

As we all attempt to sketch out our legacies, let’s not forget to sprinkle in a healthy dose of laughter, a generous helping of self-forgiveness, and an unyielding commitment to walk to the beat of our own, sometimes offbeat, drums.